2025/05/15

Pulp: Adventure Location: Trindade & Martim Vaz

History is fractally interesting. Start examine any event, or following any citation, and interesting facts emerge. But some places, for whatever reason, seem to attract a disproportionate level of interesting events.

wikipedia

Trindade
is a small volcanic island in the middle of the south Atlantic. 700 miles off the coast of Brazil, and more than 1,200 miles from Ascension Island (itself a tiny volcanic dot in the sea).
The island is around 3.5 miles long and 1.5 miles wide. Despite being a speck of land in the middle of nowhere (or possibly because if it), Trindade has a very high density of RPG-relevant plot seeds. 

Feel free to jump ahead to section 7. It's where the real Call of Cthulhu stuff starts. The rest is useful, but but section 7 is why this article exists.

1. Summary

Here's an official overview of the island, from the South Atlantic Directory via E.F. Knight's, The Cruise of the Falcon.

Trinidad is surrounded by sharp, rugged coral rocks, with an almost continual surge breaking on every part, which renders landing often precarious, and watering frequently impracticable, nor is there a possibility of rendering either certain, for the surf is often incredibly great, and has been seen during a gale at S.W., to break over a bluff which is 200 feet high. 

Captain Edmund Halley, afterwards Dr. Halley, Astronomer Royal, landed on this island, the 17th of April, 1700, and put on it some goats and hogs, and also a pair of guinea fowl, which he carried from St. Helena. 'I took,' says his journal, ' possession of the island in his majesty's name, as knowing it to be granted by the king's letters patent, leaving the Union Jack flying.'

When the English went to Trinidad in 1781, in order to ascertain whether a settlement was practicable there, they did not find it answer their expectations.

The American commander, Amaso Delano, visited Trinidad in 1803, and he, again, describes it as mostly barren, rough pile of rocky mountains. What soil there is on the island he found on the eastern side, where are several sand beaches, above one of which the Portuguese had a settlement.

This settlement was directly above the most northerly sand-beach on the east side of the island, and has the best stream of water on the island running through it.

Delano got his water o£f the south side of the island. Here a stream falls in a cascade over rocks some way up the mountains, so that it can be seen from a boat when passing it. After you have discovered the stream, you can land on a point of rocks just to the westward of the watering-place, and from thence may walk past it, and when a little to the eastward, there is a small cove among the rocks where you mav float your casks off. Wood may be cut on the mountain just above the first landing-place, and you may take it off if you have a small oak boat.
Knight, The Cruise of the Alerte.

2. The Astronomer: Sir Edmund Halley, 1700

Whilest the Long Boate brought more Water on Board I went a Shore and put Some Goats and Hoggs on the Island for breed, as also a pair of Guiney Hens I carry’d from St. Helena.

-Edmund Halley's log for April 17th, 1700, as quoted on Halleys Log.

From a modern ecological perspective, landing "Goats and Hoggs" on an isolated tropical island is slightly better than detonating a thermonuclear warhead on it, but only slightly. But in 1700, ecological preservation was not an issue. Halley lived closer to witch-burnings (1727) than to Charles Darwin. Scurvy, which killed between 20% and 50% of sailors on long voyages (though digging into the source of that number leads to some dubious math), was an issue; the only known cure was fresh food. Rats and cats may have already been present, deposited by prior visitors or shipwrecks.

Plot Seeds for 1700

-Edmund Halley has some tentative ideas on the cyclical nature of comets, and the cyclical nature of the world. The impact of a comet could, by Halley's estimation, churn the world's surface, extinguishing all life and human civilization, which God, in his wisdom, would then renew. Genesis, and biblical history, starts with a comet impact. What happened before is unrecorded. This may explain certain oddities about the age of the solar system, erosion, nutrient depletion, rock formations, etc. It explains why Hudson's Bay is colder than its equivalent latitude in Europe; it's the icy residue of the former North Pole, but the Earth was knocked off its old axis by the last impact. Halley though the most recent impact site was the Caspian Sea, with its crater-like southern basin. Trindade isn't on the opposite side of the world (that'd be too convenient), but Halley expected rings of waves to travel around the world, smashing into each other, burying sea life under newly raised mountains (to produce fossils). A ridge of mountains in the sea, like the Trindade, could validate that theory. A few heretical fragments of an ante-antediluvian civilization could, in theory, be present in such a place. What technological heights did the last people (if they were people) attain, before all Creation returned to Chaos?

-Halley also proposed that the Earth is hollow (ish), although his hypothesis is closer to an "iron core inside a molten shell" than "caverns full of mushrooms and dinosaurs." But it's still a hollow earth proposal, and if your players don't check their references carefully, it'd be easy to pick out a few quotes, put an entrance in Trindade, and set the players on a fun Verne-style adventure. 

-Halley invented an early diving bell, capable of reaching depths up to 20m. Using one near Trindade seems like drowning with extra steps, but a secret 18th-century submarine project could be useful for a secret history game. Sinking Spanish and Portuguese ships in a deniable way, looting undersea treasures, etc.

Fernando Faciole, Discover Wildlife

3. The Survivors: The Wreck of the Rattlesnake, 1781

HMS Rattlesnake, a 198-ton, 12-gun cutter-rigged sloop, was wrecked on Trindade on 21 October 1781, shortly after Commander Philippe d'Auvergne had taken over command. Rattlesnake had been ordered to survey the island to ascertain whether it would make a useful base for outward-bound Indiamen. She anchored, but that evening the wind increased and by seven o’clock she was dragging. Two hours later the first cable parted and Commander d’Auvergne club-hauled his way out, setting main and fore sails, and using the remaining anchor cable as a spring. This successfully put Rattlesnake’s head to seaward. The remaining cable was then cut, and the sloop wore round and stood out to sea. However the ground now shallowed quite rapidly and suddenly Rattlesnake struck a submerged rock. She started filling with water, so, in order to preserve the lives of the crew, d'Auvergne ran her ashore. Commodore Johnstone on board HMS Jupiter had previously wished to colonise the island and claim it for Britain, so d'Auvergne agreed to stay on the tiny island with 30 sailors, 20 captured French sailors, one French woman, some animals and supplies. They were resupplied by another ship in January 1782, then they appear to have been forgotten, as they lived on the tiny island for a year until HMS Bristol and a convoy of Indiamen, which fortuitously called there, rescued them in late December 1782.

-Wikipedia

This seems like an extraordinary story, but there's not much info available online. I've ordered a copy of the wiki article's main source (In the English Service: The Life of Philippe D'Auvergne by Jane Ashelford), and I'll update this article when it arrives (or when I can track down other sources). I have so many questions. Some of them are not pleasant.

That anyone, let alone such a heterogenous crew, could survive fourteen months on Trindade is remarkable. As we'll see, it can't have been easy. Halley's hogs and goats don't seem to feature in the accounts I've found so far.

Plot Seeds for 1781

-Your boss has marooned you, thirty sailors, twenty French sailors, and one French woman on a volcanic island. 

-As above, but after surviving and returning to civilization, you may feel the need to seek poetic revenge.

4. The Sea-Captain: Amasa Delano, 1803

The account of Amasa Delano is utilitarian to the point of brusqueness. He reports "plenty of goats and hogs", which could be survivors of Halley's expedition or new arrivals left by Portuguese settlers. The island's trees seem to be alive in 1803, but, as we'll see, they don't last long.

Plot Seeds for 1803

-Trindade's natural hazards probably ended initial Portuguese settlement attempts in the early 19th century, but the abandoned houses, paths, and fields provide an eerie setting. In a fictional alternative version, it looks like the settlers died of starvation and were stripped to the bone by land crabs where they fell... but who carried off the skulls, and why? And why do the storms on the island have lightning without thunder? You didn't notice it at first, between the waves and the rain...

5. The Explorer: James Clark Ross, 1839

 The Ross Antarctic Expedition briefly stopped on Trindade on its way south.

As a magnetic station, our observations here were utterly valueless, but the results may be useful by pointing out, in a striking manner, the great amount of error to which those made on shore are liable. Three dipping needles placed at only just sufficient distance apart to ensure their not influencing each other, indicated as much as three degrees difference of the dip, and all of them considerably less than that corresponding to the geographical position. To as large an amount also were the observations of variation vitiated by the local disturbing magnetic influence, whilst those taken on board our ships were perfectly free from these errors.

Horsburgh mentions that the island abounds with wild pigs and goats; one of the latter was seen. With the view to add somewhat to the stock of useful creatures, a cock and two hens were put on shore; they seemed greatly to enjoy the change and, I have no doubt, in so unfrequented a situation, and so delightful a climate, will quickly increase in numbers. 

-Voyage to the Southern Seas, James Clark Ross.

Plot Seeds for 1839

-The minor magnetic deviation reported by Ross is entirely normal and explicable. Your players don't necessarily know that. Quoted out of context, this could be an interesting fact (or a red herring) for any expeditions to the island to discover with a Library Use roll.
 
-You and your fellow PCs are chickens, released into a strange and hostile world.

6. The Pirate: The CSS Georgia, 1863

As I said in the introduction, Trindade is fractally interesting. I discovered this visit while researching section 9.

A highly interesting communication about Trinidad has been received at the Bureau of American Republics from Mr. J. M. Morgan, who, during the late war, was a lieutenant in the Confederate Navy, and during the former Cleveland administration was United States Consul-general at Melbourne, Australia. Mr. Morgan, who had been written to on the subject of the ownership of Trinidad by Mr. H. H. Marmaduke of the Bureau of American Republics, says in answering:

"In reply to your inquiry concerning the Island of Trinidad, the title of which is now in dispute by Great Britain and Brazil, I would state that it does not belong to either of them. Strange as it may appear, the title legally rests with the United States, as the residuary legatee of the late Southern Confederacy. 

In the summer of 1863, was a midshipman on board of the S.C. cruiser Georgia, then lying in the harbor of Bahia, Brazil, in company with the Alabama. Capt. Semmes decided to cruise o the southward of Rio Janeiro, and thence to the cape of Good Hope while the Georgia was to follow as far south as Rio and then proceed to the island of Trinidad for coal, our collier having been ordered there, and also for the purpose of making a digression in favor of the Alabama. 

The Island of Trinidad is a very picturesque spot. It is six miles in circumference and 800 feet high. Alongside of it, at the eastern end, and helping to form the little harbor, is the ‘Monument,' which is some 250 feet in diameter and rises out of the sea to a height of 1,200 feet. Here the Georgia lay for some six weeks. Vessels, after rounding the Cape of Good Hope, or Cape Horn, endeavor to sight Trinidad for the purpose of seeing if their chronometers are all right, and then mark their courses for New York or Liverpool , and while we lay in this cove, or harbour, we ‘brought to’ many merchant vessels. The first intimation they would have that a Confederate cruiser was in the neighborhood would be a shot skipping across their bows. Here it was that we captured and burned in the harbor the ship Constitution of Boston, and also captured and bonded the City of Bath, of Bath, Me. 

Trinidad is an ideal coaling station for commerce destroyers or a naval station for the protection of commerce. It is habitable, although not inhabited. When the Georgia took possession, a few wild hogs and millions of sea fowl were the only living things to be seen. 

Trinidad could be easier defended than Gibraltar, and is naturally a stronger position. In certain winds the waves, with the full sweep of the Atlantic, strike the island and send the spray some 300 or 400 feet into the air. The sight beggars description. At the time the Georgia took possession and made it a Confederate coaling station the island of Trinidad was not claimed by any nation. Had it been so, Capt. Maury was much too careful a commander to have broken the neutrality laws by taking prizes in there, coaling ship without permission, and ‘heaving to’ neutral ships as he lay at anchor in the harbor."

-The Pilot, Aug 17th, 1895

Plot Seeds for 1863

-The film Sahara (2005) is by no means good, but the core idea - a secret Confederate gold shipment in a preposterous location - could easily work on Trindade.

-Trindade could also work as a bastion of the Confederate cause long after the war ends. A few crazed die-hards and a wrecked ship could interfere with treasure-hunting schemes.

Flavio Forner, National Geographic

7. The Treasure-Hunter: E.F. Knight, 1881

Edward Frederick Knight had an extraordinary life. In 1880, he sailed up and down South America in a 30-ton 42'-long yacht. His book, The Cruise of the 'Falcon', contains the most poetic and unsettling description of Trindade.

This is the text to give your Call of Cthulhu or Delta Green group. The book went through several printings in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, so finding a suitably foxed copy to hand to your players is trivial.

When my men heard of my intention of sailing to this lone island of the South Atlantic, they expressed great delight, especially when they learnt that pigs and goats were reported to be its sole inhabitants. On this, the 23rd of November [1881], being our ninth day out, Trinidad was about 1000 miles to the north-east of us.

[...]

This savage spot afforded a good specimen of the nature of the island. Utterly barren mountains rose from a coral beach, mountains that were rotten — and the whole island is so — burnt and shaken to pieces by the fires and earthquakes of volcanic action.

What struck us as remarkable was, that though in this cove there was no live vegetation of any kind, there were traces of an abundant extinct vegetation. The mountain slopes were thickly covered with dead wood, wood, too, that had evidently long since been dead; some of these leafless trunks were prostrate, some still stood up as they had grown; many had evidently been trees of considerable size, bigger round than a man's body. They were rotten, brittle, and dry, and made glorious fuel. This wood was close grained, of a red colour, and much twisted. When we afterwards discovered that over the whole of this extensive island, from the beach up to the summit of the highest mountain — at the bottom and on the slopes of every now barren ravine, on whose loose rolling stones no vegetation could possibly take root — these dead trees were strewed as closely as is possible for trees to grow ; and when we further perceived that they all seemed to have died at one and the same time, as if plague-struck, and that no one single live specimen young or old was to be found anywhere, — our amazement was increased.

At one time Trinidad must have been one magnificent forest, presenting to passing vessels a far different appearance to that it now does with its inhospitable and barren crags. The descriptions given in the Directory allude to these forests; therefore, whatever catastrophe it may have been that killed off all the vegetation of the island, it must have occurred within the memory of man.

I don't mind telling you that, while researching this article chronologically, this text gave me a proper chill. Land-crabs and seabirds are adorable when seen with modern eyes, but something about a dead forest, with every tree withered at the same time, on a deserted island of volcanic stone, filled me with genuine creeping dread.

We slowly toiled up the ravine, and wearisome work it was; sometimes on one side, sometimes on the other, of the watercourse, at times floundering through it, according as one or the other offered the safest and easiest route. The ascent was steeper than we had anticipated, and great rocks fallen from above offered constant obstructions. The dead trunks of trees everywhere crossed the stream. Of vegetation there was at first none but a wiry long grass which covered the soil, wherever there was any. But after we had ascended a considerable distance we came across those beautiful products of the tropics, the tree-ferns.

At first, of small growth, they filled up the hollow of the stream only, having exactly the appearance of our common English fern, but higher up we found them extending their fan-like masses of vivid-green leaves from the summits of lofty trunks.

At last we reached the summit of the ravine and were on the Col, for such it was, a gentle depression between two mountains, and here found ourselves in the midst of a very different nature, and enjoyed the loveliness of a scene such as we little guessed stern Trinidad concealed within its encircling wall of wild crags. For now we saw no rocks, we were walking on a soil powdery and soft and dry, into which our feet sank. The mountain that rose above us on our left was a gentle dome of similar soil ; and all. was covered with a rich and beautiful vegetation. We were walking through a dense grove of tree-ferns, whose branches meeting overhead, like cathedral aisles, allowed but a subdued light to fall on the soft floor below, where millions of land-crabs crawled about ; for these hideous beasts, swarm on this island even to the mountain-tops. Other life there was none, not even insect.

A gentle breeze blew over the Col from the windward side of the island, very grateful to us after our ascent of the hot, windless ravine. The scene, with its fresh green, seemed very beautiful to us at the time, as beautiful as anything we had ever seen. But after a month on the barren sea, and after the contrast of the dreary coast-scenery beneath us, any vegetation could not but seem very beautiful.

On the summit of the mountain there appeared to be some other tree growing with a darker foliage, but we left the inspection of this for our return journey, for we wished without delay to descend to the windward side of the island, which seemed to hold out a magic attraction for us. 

[...]

Certainly the whole nature, live or dead, of this lonely island has something uncanny about it that dismays and appalls the imagination. This ravine, with its black rocks, varied occasionally by red volcanic debris, its strange vegetation of dead trees throwing out their skeleton arms, and its inhabitants savage, foul birds, and the still more offensive-looking land-crabs, struck us as having a particularly ghastly and spirit-depressing appearance. Among such scenery one felt as if anything horrible might happen at any moment, and a vague feeling of insecurity seized the mind.

[...]

We wandered on, opening out bay after bay for some hours, till on traversing a rocky promontory we came to an extensive gulf, backed on its further side by the huge mass of Sugar-loaf mountain; great walls of rock surrounded it, and altogether it was as inhospitable-looking a place as shipwrecked sailor was ever cast on. Now all the shore of this gulf was strewed with wreckage. Along the whole of this windward coast we had perceived many spars, barrels, timbers, and other remains of vessels, but here they were in much larger quantity than elsewhere, so we named this dreary spot Wreck Bay. From its position in the region of the south-east trade-winds a vast amount of drift and many derelict vessels must of a necessity be driven on to the windward coast of Trinidad, and indeed there was a marvellous accumulation. Judging from its appearance some of - this timber must have lain here for hundreds of years, and doubtlessly this beach preserves naval remains of every age since first vessels doubled the Cape of Good Hope. Apart from masts, barrels, and other driftage, we observed that more than one vessel, derelict doubtlessly, had been driven bodily on to the island, for we frequently saw two circular rows of ribs rising from the sand, with the corroded bolts sticking in them here and there, showing where the frame of some fine old ship lay buried.

What struck me as remarkable was that some of this wreckage had been cast up a great distance above what I judged to be high-water mark. Far up, jammed between two rocks, I perceived a huge iron beam that must have weighed many tons.

Again, this island is tailor-made for RPG adventures. 

For some reason or other all hands were more or less ill on leaving Trinidad ; I was myself suffering from symptoms of malaria, which had been troubling me for some time, and which the recent fatigues I had gone through had much aggravated, so that I was debilitated and worn with fever, and almost unfit to work at all. The crew were no better. What was the matter with them, I could not pretend to say, for they had visited no malarious regions. I suspect that some of the fish we had caught and eaten were unwholesome, and we certainly had been indulging for some days on an exclusively fish diet.

Plot Seeds for 1881

-You've been shipwrecked on this horrible rock in the middle of the South Atlantic. There's just enough timber to build a raft and try to sail the 700 miles to Brazil. It's an old plot, but it checks out.

-There's a disease on Trindade. The crew of the Falcon were lucky to make it out alive... and unchanged.

-This is not a place of honour. How obvious do the Atlantean physical markers need to be to stop people from digging up their nuclear waste?



Artist's rendering of Shackletons's apocryphal ad.

8. The Treasure-Hunter Returns: E.F. Knight, 1889

Eight years later, Knight decided to return to Trindade. He'd heard a rumour of buried treasure, considered it plausible, recruited a crew, and set off to search for it. Six months of treasure-hunting, on an island implacably hostile to human life. The Cruise of the 'Alerte' is a genuine adventure.

This journey is less interesting, for our purposes, than his first impressions, but the whole text is worth a read. Knight and his crew took constant casual risks. Life was simpler then, and, if you trusted people a whisker less competent than E.F. Knight, shorter too.

'Captain P—— took a liking to him, and showed him kindness on various occasions. This man was attacked by dysentery on the voyage from China to Bombay, and by the time the vessel reached Bombay he was so ill, in spite of the captain's nursing, that he had to be taken to the hospital. He gradually sank, and when he found that he was dying, he told Captain P——, who frequently visited him at the hospital, that he felt very grateful for the kind treatment he had received at his captain's hands, and that he would prove his gratitude by revealing a secret to him that might make him one of the richest men in England. Captain P—— says that he appeared very uneasy about this secret, and insisted on the door of the ward being closed, so that there might be no listeners. He then asked Captain P—— to go to his chest and take out from it a parcel. The parcel contained a piece of old tarpaulin with a plan of the island of Trinidad on it.

'The man gave him this plan, and told him that at the place indicated on it—that is, under the mountain known as the Sugarloaf—there was an immense treasure buried, consisting principally of gold and silver plate and ornaments, the plunder of Peruvian churches which certain pirates had concealed there in the year 1821. Much of this plate, he said, came from the cathedral of Lima, having been carried away from there during the war of independence when the Spaniards were escaping the country, and that among other riches there were several massive golden candlesticks.

The story is, as Knight points out, a stereotypical example, but he apparently believed enough to return to Trindade.

As the stores would put down the vessel a good deal, we took out of her a corresponding weight of ballast—about eight tons. Two tiers of lead were removed from under the saloon floor, and in the space thus gained we stowed the greater part of our tools. Among these was a complete set of boring apparatus constructed for us by Messrs. Tilley, by means of which we should be enabled to explore through earth and rock to the depth of fifty feet. We also carried a Tangye's hydraulic jack, capable of lifting twelve tons, which we found of service when large rocks had to be removed from the trenches. Shovels, picks, crowbars, iron wheel-barrows, carpenters' and other tools; a portable forge and anvil, dogs and other materials for timbering a shaft if necessary, and a variety of other useful implements were on board. We took with us two of Messrs. Piggot's large emigrant tents, wire-fencing with which to surround our camp and so keep off the land-crabs, a few gardener's tools and seeds of quick-growing vegetables for the kitchen-garden which we intended to plant on the island—a horticultural scheme which never came off in consequence of the want of water—taxidermic gear with view to the rare sea-birds that breed on the island, medical stores and surgical instruments, fishing-tackle; and, in short, we were well-equipped with all needful things, a full inventory of which would nearly fill this book.

Neither did we omit the precaution of arming ourselves in case any one should choose to molest us, a not altogether improbable event; for there was a talk of rival expeditions starting for the island at the very time we were fitting out; our plans had been fully discussed in the newspapers, despite our attempt to keep secret our destination at least; and I called to mind the Yankee vessel that had endeavoured to anticipate the 'Aurea.' Should some such vessel appear on the scene just as we had come across the treasure, it would be well for us to be prepared to defend it.

Each man, therefore, was provided with a Colt's repeating-rifle, and in addition to these there were other rifles and several revolvers on board, and no lack of ammunition for every weapon. The Duke ofSutherland kindly lent us one of Bland's double-barrelled whaling-guns, which was carried on his Grace's yacht, the 'Sans Peur,' during her foreign cruises. This was a quick firing and formidable weapon, discharging steel shot, grape, shell, and harpoons, and capable of sending to the bottom any wooden vessel. I think the sight of it inspired some of my crew with ideas almost piratical. I have heard them express the opinion that it was a shame to have such a gun lying idle on board, and that an opportunity ought to be found of testing its powers. 

The proper adventuring mindset: an extensive inventory and ludicrous firepower.

We knew that the Portuguese had laid claim to Trinidad something like two hundred years ago, and it was possible that the Brazilians, as successors to the Portuguese in this quarter of the globe, might consider the island as their own, and assert their right to any valuables we might find upon it. I need scarcely say that I had made up my mind, should we find the treasure, to sail directly to some British port. I would not trust myself in any country of the Spanish or Portuguese; for once in their clutches we should in all probability lose all the results of our labour. The Roman Catholic Church of Spain or Lima might, with a fair show of right, demand the treasure as her own; so might the Governments of Peru, Chile, Brazil, Spain, or Portugal. But if we could once secure it, get it safely home, and divide it, it would be exceedingly difficult for any one to establish a better right to it than we could—for should we not have the right of possession, with nine-tenths of the law on our side?  

Don't count your chickens before they're hatched, but be prepared to start a war to defend them. 

It would, of course, have been very pleasant for me to have selected my volunteers from among my own friends, especially those who had been at sea with me before; but this I found to be impossible, at any rate at such short notice. I knew dozens of men who would have liked nothing better than to have joined me, but all were engaged in some profession or other which it would have been folly to have neglected for so problematic a gain. The type of man who is willing to toil hard, endure discomfort and peril, and abandon every luxury for nine months on the remote chance of discovering treasure, and is, moreover, willing to pay 100l. for the privileges of doing so, is not to be found easily, either in the professional or wealthy classes.

There are, doubtless, thousands of Englishmen willing to embark on a venture of this description, but it is obvious that there is a likelihood of a fair percentage of these volunteers being adventurers in the unfavourable sense of the term—men anxious to get away from England for reasons not creditable to themselves, men, too, of the rolling-stone description and more or less worthless in a variety of ways, and who would be more likely than the paid sailors to wax discontented and foment mutiny. I realised that the selection of my men should be made with great care.

Of volunteers I had no lack. An article in the St. James's Gazette describing my project brought me applications to join from something like 150 men.

Some of the letters I received were great curiosities in their way, and would cause much amusement could I publish them. I interviewed some sixty of the applicants, and this was certainly far the most arduous and difficult work connected with the undertaking, so far as I was concerned. I shall never forget how weary I became of the repetition to each fresh visitor of the conditions and object of the voyage, and with what dread I looked forward to my visits to the little club at which these interviews were held.

It's straight out of Treasure Island or some other adventure story. A proper rogue's gallery of the inexperienced, enthusiastic, and treasure-mad.

As we neared [Trindade], the features of this extraordinary place could gradually be distinguished. The north side, that which faced us, is the most barren and desolate portion of the island, and appears to be utterly inaccessible. Here the mountains rise sheer from the boiling surf—fantastically shaped of volcanic rock; cloven by frightful ravines; lowering in perpendicular precipices; in places over-hanging threateningly, and, where the mountains have been shaken to pieces by the fires and earthquakes of volcanic action, huge landslips slope steeply into the yawning ravines—landslips of black and red volcanic débris, and loose rocks large as houses, ready on the slightest disturbance to roll down, crashing, into the abysses below. On the summit of the island there floats almost constantly, even on the clearest day, a wreath of dense vapour, never still, but rolling and twisting into strange shapes as the wind eddies among the crags. And above this cloud-wreath rise mighty pinnacles of coal-black rock, like the spires of some gigantic Gothic cathedral piercing the blue southern sky.

[...]

My companions had expected, from what I had told them, to find this islet a strange, uncanny place, barren, torn by volcanic action and generally forbidding, and now they gazed at the shore with amazement, and confessed that my description of its scenery was anything but exaggerated. It would be impossible to convey in words a just idea of the mystery of Trinidad. The very colouring seems unearthly—in places dismal black, and in others the fire-consumed crags are of strange metallic hues, vermilion red and copper yellow. When one lands on its shores this uncanny impression is enhanced. It bears all the appearance of being an accursed spot, whereupon no creatures can live, save the hideous land-crabs and foul and cruel sea-birds.

This description is similar to Knight's first visit, but it's worth repeating. Trindade is a strange, unearthly place.

While we were discussing things, there suddenly came a violent thumping on the deck above us, and from the shouts and laughter of the men we knew that something exciting was going on; so we went up the companion-ladder to see what the fun might be. We found that a fair-sized shark was tumbling about the deck in very active fashion, while Ted was dodging him, knife in hand, ready to give him his coup de grâce. Our sportsman had got his lines out as soon as all had been made snug on deck, but his sport for the first hour consisted of nothing but sharks, of which he caught several. After this he had better luck and was able to supply the cook with fish enough for dinner and breakfast for all hands.

The sea round Trinidad swarms with fish; but, for some reason, though we got as many as we required, they were not to be so readily caught now as at the time of my first visit; for then we hauled them in as fast as we could drop our hooks in the water.

There are various species of edible fish here—among others, dolphins, rock-cod, hind-fish, black-fish, and pig-fish. None of these hot-water-fish are to be compared in flavour to those of Europe, and we found that the sharks were the least insipid of the lot; stewed shark and onions is not a dish to be despised.

Plot Seeds for 1889

-Journalist and gentleman-adventurer Edward Frederick Knight has put an ad in the papers, recruiting crew for a treasure-hunting expedition. Are you willing to put up £100 (around £16,000 in 2025) for a share of a treasure worth millions? Are you willing to sail to the ends of the earth, dig in arid conditions, endure awful food, thirst, land-crabs, foreigners, and fevers? No experience with sailing or exploration is required. 

-It's a race. Knight was right to worry about a rival crew turning up, but luckily, your crew has a different idea of where to dig. When your works are sabotaged, it's only natural to blame the only other humans for hundreds of miles. Will you take revenge? Who'd believe a third faction at work? Land-crabs aren't organized. They can't crush a man's head with a falling boulder or cut the pipes of a salt-water distillery.

 -Some slow poison seems to be affecting the island. Is it merely human interaction? Was the abundance of fish on the first visit due to nutrient-rich runoff from the dying forest, or did overfishing, coral-reef anchoring cause the decline? It can't be merely seasonal variation; the dates overlap. What strange metal or curious relic was buried with the pirate's hoard? 

Just look at those contour lines.

9. The Prince: James Harden-Hickey, 1893 

After the Portuguese, British, Brazilian, and assorted other claimants had come and gone, in 1893, minor celebrity James Harden-Hickey claimed Trindade for... himself, creating the Principality of Trinidad

BARON HARDEN-HICKEY, who claims proprietorship of the island of Trinidad, is a travelled French gentleman, of Irish extraction, who married a daughter of Mr. H M. Flagler, the Standard Oil magnate. The baron thought, as no one else seemed to care for the island, be would take it, organize an absolute monarchy, and send a colony down there.
-The Pilot, Aug 17th, 1895

On Sunday, Nov. 5, 1893, the New York Tribune gave him front-page publicity with an exclusive story on his scheme to transform Trinidad into an independent country. Harden-Hickey argued that "…the inland plateaus are rich with luxuriant vegetation… The surrounding seas swarm with fish… Dolphins, rock-cod, pigfish, and blackfish may be caught as quickly as they can be hauled out…the exportation of guano alone should make my little country prosperous…"

Harden-Hickey’s announcement did not precipitate a world crisis. In January 1894 [sic], when he proclaimed himself James I, Prince of Trinidad, some nations even recognized him. One reporter interviewed his father-in-law, who seemed surprisingly tolerant of the adventure. He said, "My son-in-law is a very determined man… Had he consulted me about this, I would have been glad to have aided him with money or advice... But my son-in-law means to carry on this Trinidad scheme, and he will."

The Prince announced that Trinidad would be a military dictatorship. Its flag would be a yellow triangle on a red ground. He began selling bonds for 1000 francs or $200, announcing that anyone purchasing 10 of them was entitled to a free passage to the island. In San Francisco, Harden-Hickey purchased a schooner to transport colonists and ferry supplies and mail between Trinidad and Brazil. He hired an agent to negotiate the construction of docks, wharves and houses. He also contracted for Chinese coolies to provide an instant proletariat. On Dec. 8, 1893, he instituted the Order of Trinidad, an order of chivalry in four classes to reward distinction in literature, the arts and the sciences. He then commissioned a firm of jewelers to make a golden crown and issued a set of multicolored postage stamps.

-William Bryk, NY Press (for a more complete article, see here)

The ship and labourers never left the harbour. The scheme slowly imploded, along with Harden-Hickey's mental health.

Plot Seeds for 1893

-While Harden-Hickey's scheme is laughable in practice, it has a glimmer of potential legality. Possession is nine tenths of the law though. Every prince needs an evil vizier. All you need to do is keep his most serene highness on track, pay a few bills, and you can literally live like kings.

-There are relatively few fresh sources of the blood and bodies of kings. Harden-Hickey's touch cures scrofula, but he doesn't know it. Plenty of ancient sacrificial rituals (or cultists who've read Frazer's Golden Bough and invented new ones) require a royal personage. The rituals just have to occur on the king's own land.

Wikipedia

10. The Doomed: The Worst Journey in the World, 1910

The 1910 Scott Antarctic Expedition is fascinating. Among other things, its members were heroes in search of a righteous cause. If the sordid reality of the Empire, the greed and stupidity and pettiness of the real world, couldn't measure up to their ideals, what cause could absorb their energy and talents? And so these monks of Kipling challenged uncaring and uncomplicated nature. They muddled, suffered, and died. 

But before they reached the Antarctic, they had a few hair-raising adventures along the way.

This island is difficult of access, owing to its steep rocky coast and the big Atlantic swell which seldom ceases. It has therefore been little visited, and as it is infested with land crabs the stay of the few parties which have been there has been short. But scientifically it is of interest, not only for the number of new species which may be obtained there, but also for the extraordinary attitude of wild sea birds towards human beings whom they have never learnt to fear. Before we left England it had been decided to attempt a landing and spend a day there if we should pass sufficiently near to it.

[...]

The tree ferns were numerous, but stunted. The gannets were sleeping on the tops of the bushes, and some of the crabs had climbed up the bushes and were sunning themselves on the top. These crabs were round us in thousands—I counted seven watching me out of one crack between two rocks.

We sat down under the lee of the summit, and thought it would not be bad to be thrown away on a desert island, little thinking how near we were to being stranded, for a time at any rate.

The crabs gathered round us in a circle, with their eyes turning towards us—as if they were waiting for us to die to come and eat us. One big fellow left his place in the circle and waddled up to my feet and examined my boots. First with one claw and then with the other he took a taste of my boot. He went away obviously disgusted: one could almost see him shake his head.

We collected, as well as our birds and eggs, some spiders, very large grasshoppers, wood-lice, cockchafers, with big and small centipedes. In fact, the place teemed with insect life. I should add that their names are given rather from the general appearance of the animals than from their true scientific classes.

It's interesting that in Knight notes, "Other life there was none, not even insect." Knight was not, of course, a trained naturalist, but it's still peculiar that one crew should report abundant insect life while another crew reports none.

The following is Bowers' letter:

"Sunday, 31st July.

 White terns abounded on the island. They were ghost-like and so tame that they would sit on one's hat. They laid their eggs on pinnacles of rock without a vestige of nest, and singly. They looked just like stones. I suppose this was a protection from the land-crabs, about which you will have heard. The land-crabs of Trinidad are a byword and they certainly deserve the name, as they abound from sea-level to the top of the island. The higher up the bigger they were. 

The surface of the hills and valleys was covered with loose boulders, and the whole island being of volcanic origin, coarse grass is everywhere, and at about 1500 feet is an area of tree ferns and subtropical vegetation, extending up to nearly the highest parts. The withered trees of a former forest are everywhere and their existence unexplained, though Lillie had many ingenious theories. 

[...]

The land-crabs are little short of a nightmare. They peep out at you from every nook and boulder. Their dead staring eyes follow your every step as if to say, 'If only you will drop down we will do the rest.' To lie down and sleep on any part of the island would be suicidal. Of course, Knight had a specially cleared place with all sorts of precautions, otherwise he would never have survived these beasts, which even tried to nibble your boots as you stood—staring hard at you the whole time. One feature that would soon send a lonely man off his chump is that no matter how many are in sight they are all looking at you, and they follow step by step with a sickly deliberation. They are all yellow and pink, and next to spiders seem the most loathsome creatures on God's earth."

The Worst Journey in the World has some extremely lively description of the difficulties landing and escaping from the island. It's well worth a read.

reddit

11. The Duel: HMS Carmania and SMS Cap Trafalgar, 1914

In September, 1914, the refitted liner HMS Carmania met the refitted liner SMS Cap Trafalgar, which was disguised as the HMS Carmania, off Trindade. Wikipedia's summary of this battle is pretty good. The two ships fought a spirited, if slightly archaic, battle of broadsides and manually loaded guns. 

I can't find much information about the alleged German naval base on Trindade. Given the conditions and lack of tangible remains, it can't have been too impressive. Landing supplies wasn't any easier in 1914 than in 1910 (or 1700). The shoals allow for anchoring, but I can't imagine a multi-ton coal depot on the shore would be viable. By 1914, if an established colonial power didn't have a permanent naval base on an island, there must have been a pretty good reason.

Plot Seeds for 1914

-In July of 1914, you and your crew performed a daring series of robberies aboard the Cap Trafalgar. To escape the ship's detectives, you stashed the loot aboard, hoping to retrieve it on a later voyage. Unfortunately, war was declared in August, and the Cap Trafalgar is being sent to some remote island in the Atlantic to be refitted as a commerce raider. Can you sneak or inveigle your way aboard, retrieve your loot, and escape? Will a British warship ruin your plans?

-The sea drops precipitously off Trindade. It is a volcanic seamount, after all. The Cap Trafalgar wreck site has not been located, as far as I know. It's probably 5km down. The Titanic is 3.8km down, so locating and visiting this wreck seems unlikely. Who knows what creatures of the deep were stirred up by the descending hulk.

-What if the Cap Trafalgar didn't sink, and managed to sail to Martim Vaz island? What if the Carmania was likewise wrecked on the cliffs of Trindade? You could have duelling island wrecks, each trying to blast the other off the rocks with salvaged guns and jury-rigged boats. Admittedly, this is unlikely, as wireless signals meant other ships were already en route, but war is a chaotic time. One storm, one emergency report, and the islands could be forgotten for years. 

-If both ships went down, the survivors could wash up on the same island, leading to all sorts of adventures while waiting for rescue. Things would probably be civil... at first.

openseamap.org

12. The Prison, 1924

I'm relying on machine translations here, but a brief summary is plenty for RPG purposes. Trindade was used as a particularly cruel open-air prison from 1924 to 1927

Plot Seeds for 1924

-The commandant has read a very interesting English book by a man named Knight. There is buried treasure on this island. Dig or perish.

-One of your fellow prisoners has read a very interesting English book by a man named Knight, and, as proof, has a gold coin. This could be a lie to inspire a revolt. It could be a coincidence. Or it could be that, just over the hill, there's an unbelievable fortune. Enough to finance a hundred revolutions, or retire to some other country under a new name.

Wikipedia

13. The UFO, 1958

Once again, I'm relying on machine translations, but the gist is fairly simple. In 1958, a photographer named Almiro Baraúna allegedly spotted and photographed a UFO. It was, as you may have guessed, a hoax

Plot Seeds for 1958

-Trindade is an isolated alien outpost. Dig for treasure and you might find a hatch.

-Aliens are using Trindade as a test case of human interaction with the environment. It's not looking good.

-If you're going to build a secret alien technology test facility, Trindade is probably a good place to do it, assuming you can ferry things on and off by helicopter. The sun-bleached corrugated metal shacks visible on satellite photos are obviously decoys.

-The hogs left behind by Edmund  Halley in 1700 developed intelligence, an underground civilization, and antigravity technology. The eerie land-crabs are a red herring. 

-There is a portal on Trindade that opens to other times, but not other places. Edmund Halley opened it in 1700, while chasing a falling star. It closed it in 1956, as the star rose again. But in the years between, it might be possible to slip through time.

Fernando Faciole, Discover Wildlife

14. Miscellaneous Facts

Given the British habit of nicking unattended landmasses, articles that touch on Brazilian sovereignty have a tone somewhere between peevishness and pride. It's only to be expected.

Hayunite, or hauyne, is only found in a few places on earth. Trindade is one of them. It's a beautiful mineral, but in the real world, that's about all. In a fictional setting, where cold fusion works or something, it could be extremely relevant. Maybe it's only found on alien landing sites, or it's required for time travel.  

While the island's feral cats were exterminated in 1998, the last goats were apparently eliminated by snipers (!) in 2005. It's possible that these were the descendants of Halley's goats from 1700, but it's probable that other colonists augmented or reintroduced them. Given enough time (or some supernatural help), they could have evolved to resemble Myotragus.

This article mentions a shipwrecked yacht in 1994 and an undated modern fishing vessel mutiny. I can't find sources on either, but it just goes to show that Trindade is still generating plots.

There's a species of beetle, Liagonum beckeri, that lives on one rock in one ravine on Trindade and nowhere else. "The population is restricted to a wet rock of <1m2, inside a deep ravine. [...] The beetles run around only on those parts of the rock that are covered with a green algal biofilm." It'd be extravagant to use the whole rock.

2025/04/16

Tariffs, CanCon, and You

In 1972 the CBC asked listeners to complete the saying "As Canadian as...", to match "As American as apple pie." The winner was "As Canadian as possible under the circumstances."

I never expected to use Canadianness as a selling point for RPGs. It never seemed relevant. It'd be like promoting them based my astrological sign or shoe size. And yet, here we are. It's suddenly very relevant.

🍁To be clear, my books are unequivocally Canadian Content. They are written, designed, and printed in Canada.🍁

The Monster Overhaul and Magical Industrial Revolution are printed at Friesens in Manitoba. People have, rightly, complimented the print quality. I couldn't be happier with how Friesens has handled these projects.

Currently, books are exempt from fluctuating US-CAN tariffs. Ink, paper, cardboard, etc. are not. Print costs haven't risen yet, but they easily could for future print runs. I don't do sales or discounts, so the books are unlikely to ever be cheaper than they are now.

At the moment, I intend to keep distributing my books via Indie Press Revolution in the USA. IPR has been great to work with, and it's difficult to imagine them benefiting from or supporting current American policies.

I am, however, shifting more books to my Canadian distributor, Compose Dream Games. They're also handling UK distribution, and ship worldwide. If you want books that don't pass through American hands or American borders, order from them.

I designed both The Monster Overhaul and Magical Industrial Revolution for versatility. If A4 printers weren't available, both books can be trimmed to letter-sized paper without impacting the text. Interior pages are black and white. The books don't require die-cut cardboard tokens, plastic dice, trays, hand-assembled packages, chits, stickers, measuring devices, hourglasses, geegaws, gubbins, or tchotchkes. They're just books.

I could have printed both books overseas. During the Kickstarter for the Monster Overhaul, I received several offers from fulfillment companies that work with Chinese printers (and one in Moldova, I think.) I'm sure the quality would have been the same, and the cost would have been much lower, but I don't like extra moving parts in a project. Friesens is also an employee-owned company with a strong track record and excellent service. 


That's the relevant part of this post. Below the line, I've written a few thousand words about the motivations behind the current American tariff policy.

2025/04/14

Sidrak and Bokkus: 415 Medieval Questions

A traditional high-effort medieval post from Skerples? Is it 2017?

Sidrak and Bokkus is a Middle English verse adaptation of an Old French prose book of knowledge, cast in question-and-answer form, enclosed within a framing adventure story. Its astonishing contemporary popularity is shown by the number and distribution of surviving manuscripts (several dozen in French; seven in English, excluding fragments; others in Italian, Danish, and Dutch [...] and the subtitle found in many of the French versions, ‘La fontaine de toutes sciences’, bears witness to its alleged authority. In spite of the work’s obvious importance in the history of European thought, as an index of popular attitudes and beliefs in the Middle Ages (it covers just about everything from the visibility of the Deity and the power of devils to the cause of leprosy and the copulation of dogs - questions 2, 7, 65, 102), there is no published critical edition of the French original or of the English translation.

-T.L. Burton, Sidrak and Bokkus

I was vaguely aware of Sidrac's existence in French, but had never read it, and wasn't aware of the Middle English versions at all until Dan D's recent post on Throne of Salt

It's well worth a read. Middle English is very readable if you treat it as a vocabulary and spelling puzzle. The answers range from thoughtful and correct to absolutely bonkers (by modern standards, and occasionally by 13th century standards). The Maniculum podcast has a few highlights.

Q. 102 Why are dogs more tightly joined during copulation than other animals?
A: Hounds are hot of nature, which welds them together like hot iron.

Sidrak and Bokkus is a book of questions and answers, presented less as a Socratic dialogue and more of a firehose of facts. The framing story is a magical adventure narrative, purportedly of pre-Christian kings and schemes. The author, Sidrac, is supposedly divinely inspired and has Noah's book of astronomy, which lets him predict future events.

 It's... not great poetry. It's not deep philosophy. It's not even cutting-edge 13th century reasoning.

But if Sidrac is so awful, why was it so popular? Or, to reverse the question, if it was so popular, why do most critics think it is so bad? (Holler is exceptional in considering that the answers ‘radiate wisdom’: ‘Ordinary Man’, p. 537.) Popularity is, of course, no guarantee of quality; but I do not think this is a sufficient answer. Part of the problem stems from the false expectations of present-day readers. Critics who complain of a lack of order and lack of indexing assume that Sidrac is intended as a reference work of the kind we are used to today, of which the encyclopaedias of Vincent and Bartholomew are medieval equivalents. Those who dwell on its lack of originality assume that its purpose is to record the latest developments in scientific research; those who are troubled by the generic mixture expect it to be either an adventure story or a book of knowledge, not both.

But Sidrac is evidently intended not as a journal of scientific research or a systematic encyclopaedia or a simple thriller: it is rather ‘a kind of non-alphabetical encyclopaedia in the vernacular, in which everything gets mentioned somewhere’; the educational level of its intended audience is evidently low; and some repetition [...] and some inconsistencies (as between the answers to questions 34 and 287) are perhaps inevitable. It belongs, in short, to that class of sugared information transfer that has today come to be called (especially as applied to television programmes) ‘infotainment’. Perhaps the worst that can be said of it in this light is that it aims low—and hits the target.

-T.L. Burton, Sidrak and Bokkus

Sidrak and Bokkus sits in a genre filled in our era by the Guinness Book of World Records, the Dangerous Book for Boys / Daring Book for Girls, and the Big Book of Bible Questions... with all that that implies about its quality and theirs.

It's something to keep precocious youngsters or bothersome parishioners occupied. It answers common questions with authority. Thinking about how you'd answer the questions, and arguing with friends (in the traditional pub manner) is just as important as the answers in the text. It's not a serious book for serious people, and it never was.

Q. 361: What is the greenest thing of all?
A: Water, because things underwater appear green, and it makes plants grow.

De-Indexing Sidrak and Bokkus

T.L. Burton's critical edition doesn't have a modern English table of contents, only the Middle English version. I reverse-engineered a question list from Burton's index.

This spreadsheet has 3 tabs: my categorized questions (also given below), the questions in the order they appear in the text, and the original index. 

The categories I selected are arbitrary, but their original order is fairly arbitrary as well. Footnotes are in brackets.

Question # Category
I’m Pretty Sure This Is In The Catechism, But I’d Have To Check
1 Has God always existed?
2 Is God visible?
3 Is God everywhere? Do all creatures feel God's presence? 
12 Did Adam do any other sin apart from breaking God’s commandment?
13 What did Adam take from God and how will he repay it?
14 Why was Adam not damned forever for his sin?
15 Why did God not send an angel or a man to redeem Adam?
16 Why will God be born of a maiden?
28 How may it be known that God made humans for the bliss of heaven / in his image? 
38 Is God generous to those who serve him faithfully?
45 What power did God give the soul?
58 May the wicked have God’s love as the good may?
66 Did God create all things at the beginning?
73 How long will the world last?
95 Is it wrong to swear by one's god?
115 Why did God make this world?
119 Why will God destroy the world’s people? 
133 Will there be another flood [like Noah's]? 
197 Does God cheerfully forgive all one’s sins?
206 Is God angered by one's death, good or evil?
216 Will those who teach good here receive extra grace hereafter?
233 What is heavenly paradise? 
253 Who will have more bliss in heaven: innocent children or people who knowingly choose good? 
275 Can one go to heaven without first going to purgatory?
283 What will become of those who will die at the doom and who have earned neither heaven nor hell?
290 Who named all things and taught them their ‘cunning’ (= knowledge) / their powers?
305 Will those born dumb or foolish be damned if they do wrong?
312 What is hell and how do souls go there?
314 Do the good who go to heaven enter at once into perfect joy?
363 Which is better on one’s deathbed: repentance or hope of eternal bliss? 
366 Should one say anything before lying down to sleep?
375 Which is more help to the soul: what one does oneself before death or what others do for one afterwards?


Difficult Questions Your Child Will Ask At Inconvenient Times
23 How does a bodiless soul feel pleasure or pain?
35 Is there any excuse for those who know nothing of God?
277 Will children too young to reason be damned?
200 Do one’s good works come from God or from oneself? 
279 Will the children of heathens be damned? 
43 Will the souls of the good be grieved by the torments of the damned?


Big Rashi Energy [2]
4 What was the first thing God made?
5 When were angels made?
6 What purposes do [the various orders of] angels serve?
8 What shape are angels? What do they know? What can they do?
9 Did God make man with his hand(s)?
10 Where did God make Adam?
11 Where did Adam go after leaving paradise?
17 How long did Adam live on earth?
94 How were tongs, hammer, and anvil first made?
132 Were hills and rocks made when the world was created? 
134 Why did Noah take evil animals (scorpions, adders, and snakes) onto the ark? 
158 How many angels did God create? How many remain in heaven? How many fell?
255 How long after Lucifer’s fall was Adam created?
273 Is the soul heavy or light, big or small, dark or bright?
280 If Adam had not sinned, would his descendants have remained in paradise?
281 When water [of the flood] covered the world, did it cover paradise?
282 What age was Adam when created?
285 Which did God make first: the soul or the body?
301 What kind of apple did Adam eat? 
317 When God created trees, was there fruit on them?
320 Did God create new fruit after the flood?
321 Where did Noah's ark land when the flood abated?
322 Did Noah come into this world as a stranger when he left the ark?
401 Will heaven’s inhabitants be clothed or naked? 


This Is Not Medical Advice
19 Does God send anything to foretell the manner of one’s death?
26 Why does the soul not remain in the body when the blood is lost?
30 What becomes of the blood when people die?
32 Why does the body not die when half its blood is lost?
33 Of what ‘complexion’ and nature is the body?
55 Why did God not will that one meal a week should be sufficient?
59 How may a child come out of its mother's womb?
60 Can a woman carry more than one child in her womb at one time?
64 Whence come hardiness and fear?
65 Whence come leprosy and scall?
76 Whence comes ‘felony’ (rage)?
80 Which gives greater ‘cunning’ (= intelligence): hot food or cold?
81 How can ‘felony’ (rage?), wrath, and melancholy be avoided?
85 Whence comes the fatness of the body?
108 How can people become fools?
112 Can a leper be cured of leprosy?
176 Why do people(’s eyes) sometimes weep easily? 
185 How can a fully-formed child be stillborn? 
208 Why was sleep made?
218 Whence comes the ‘wicked evil’ (epilepsy) that causes people to fall?
221 How is a man sometimes ‘jolly’?
222 Can a man beget a child every time he touches his wife?
223 What is a man’s semen and how is it formed?
240 Whence comes quaking in humans?
246 What is the wholesomest meat to eat?
247 How is food distributed in the body?
248 How should one remove a bone or thorn stuck in the throat?
249 Why do faeces stink?
250 Why is urine salt?
251 How are worms bred in the body and on what do they feed?
261 How is a child nourished in a woman's womb?
265 How may the young be grey-haired before the old?
266 Whence comes baldness?
291 Why are some people taller than others?
292 Which is more perilous: heat or cold?
302 Why are some people born deaf and dumb?
306 How do children learn more than the old?
326 Which is better to drink: wine or water?
330 Is it wholesome to eat whatever one can get?
333 Why are new-born children more helpless than animals?
335 Whence comes sneezing? 
340 Why do some have a quick, easy death, others a long, slow one? 
359 Whence comes the sweat of the body? 
367 Why cannot young men produce strong children as old men do?
370 How does a child lie in its mother's womb? 


This Had Better Not Be A Riddle or Pun, And If You Say "Marry Nuncle..." I'm Going To Be Angry
18 Why is death so named?
61 What is the best thing one can have?
62 What is the worst thing one can have?
77 Why are all animals not the same colour?
79 What is our best and worst thing?
105 Is it good to answer fools? 
155 Of which are there more: grains of earth or water drops?
156 Can grains of earth / hairs or water drops be counted?
160 What is the most delightful place in the world?
161 Who is the hardier: a day-time or a night-time traveller? 
162 Whose courage is the greater: a townsman’s or a countryman’s? 
184 How could one be born without a father or mother? 
207 What is the worthiest day of the year?
212 Are there any worldly goods that one can take anywhere without injury?
215 How many times is one forsworn if one makes ten false oaths at once?
220 What is the safest and most perilous craft?
229 How do the old sleep like young children?
242 How can one speak to oneself? How can someone speaking alone say “we”?
257 How can the wind be felt but not seen?
258 How can a fire be made but not held?
284 Why is the soul invisible?
293 Who are the most contented people and the most free from misery?
297 Which should be wiser: the old or the young?
339 Which is the stronger: wind or water? 
368 What is the hardest/worst battle to fight?


This Is Not Political Advice
49 How should lordship be exercised?
169 If two hosts (= armies) meet, should they attack each other?
205 Will there always be war and strife in the world?
210 What people do most to sustain the world?
211 Which is greater: the king or the law?
303 Do people profit by their almsdeeds?
357 Of what behaviour and virtue ought kings and lords to be? 
358 Should kings and lords appear personally in battle? 


Luigi's Mansion
56 Do the rich die (easily) like the poor?
57 Should the rich be judged in  the same way as the poor?
89 Can one have profit without work?
92 Are the rich less worthy for losing  wealth or the poor worthier for gaining it?
98 Which is better: wealth or poverty?
99 Should rich and poor be honoured equally?
104 Can one escape death through wealth or other means?
107 Why can some people not stop working for profit?
179 Should the poor put themselves before the rich?
191 Are the rich honoured and the poor despised in the other world as in this?
193 Do killers assume responsibility for their victims’ sins?
198 Why do some people work so hard?
252 What crafts(men) might we worst do without?
304 Do judges sin in passing judgement, or executioners in carrying it out?
345 Which is worthier: wealth or poverty? 


I Think The Answer Is Obvious But I'm Worried About What The Text Will Say
44 Which is better: health or sickness?
50 Should one do good to one’s kin and friends?
78 Do those who eat and drink more than is necessary do good or evil?
82 Which ‘is more bate’ (opp. of 'debate', therefore 'correct'?): to love or to hate women? 
86 Should men chastise women physically when they do wrong?
88 Should one love one’s friend and try to hold him? 
90 Should people do good and almsdeeds for the needy poor?
100 Do the poor delight in poverty as the rich do in their wealth?
103 Is a man wrong to covet another’s wife or goods?
165 Should one forget another who has served one well?
166 Can a man desist from lechery with a woman in his power whom he desires / resist the advances of a woman who desires him?
180 Is it a sin to eat everything one can get? 
181 Should people greet one another whenever they meet? 
189 Should one love all people? 
196 Which is the worst of the three: murder, theft, or brawling?
227 Which is higher: land or sea?
295 Should one help one’s friend or neighbour? 
325 Should one take pity on those in pain or sorrow and assist them if one can?
329 Should one visit one’s friend frequently?
347 Should one love and keep company with those who speak evil? 
364 Should one weep for someone/a friend who has died? 
398 Are more born into the world daily than die, or vice versa? 


This Feels Like A Trap
36 Should people do anything other than God’s commandments?
70 Does God feed everything that he made on earth?
93 Whence come people’s wicked customs?
97 Whose company should one love and whose avoid?
101 Should one boast of anything one does?
110 Whose company should one prefer: that of the old or that of the young? 
114 Is it good to have dealings with all people?
164 Should one honour all people and try to do their will?
175 Should people worship God constantly?
177 What kinds of people should be honoured? 
190 Are all people in the world alike / like-minded?
195 Are there people who eat and drink anything unnatural?
296 Which is better: speech or silence?
331 Who are the greatest boasters?
344 Should one conduct oneself vigorously/fiercely towards one’s enemy? 
350 If asked a question, should one respond immediately?
352 Which is the seemlier: ‘fair’ face or ‘fair’ body? 
372 Should the wise reveal their thought to fools? 


I Fucking Love Astronomy
46 Will any astronomer remain as a teacher after Christ’s ascent into heaven?
106 Which is the most difficult ‘cunning’ (= branch of learning) to acquire?
116 How was the world made and how is it held in place? 
117 Are there other people apart from us who have the sun’s light?
118 How long, broad, and thick is the world? 
139 Is it possible to sail to the edge of the sky?
144 Whence come eclipses of the moon and sun?
145 How do stars fall and what becomes of them?
146 How many heavens are there?
147 How high above earth is heaven?
148 What power does the sky have?
149 What are the names and powers of the planets?
152 Why did God make the world round as a ball?
153 Why is the moon cold and the sun hot?
157 How many stars are there in the sky?
201 Where does the day hide from the night and vice versa? 
202 How are the planets held aloft in the sky?
203 How can one tell the time of day or night?
204 Do all the stars revolve in the sky?
225 Are enchantments and sorcery efficacious?
237 Why can the new moon not be seen until it is in the east/west?
267 What signs does each planet have, and of what ‘complexion’ is each sign?


Philosophy 101 Students Pass The Bong Around
27 How/Why do people die?
29 Why may humans not do as God did?
48 Does one sin if one does not actively do good [or evil]?
53 Is it possible to tell good people from wicked?
63 How can one be faithful and true?
68 How do animals (lacking reason) become enraged?
113 Why did God not make us incapable of sin?
140 Why did God not make us eternally youthful, vigorous, powerful, etc.?
154 What is the greatest (‘most’) thing there is?
172 In what language does a deaf mute think?
174 Can any creature that God made know his thought?
194 Which causes the greater sorrow: what is heard or what is seen?
199 What is the darkest thing there is?
217 Whence comes thought?
230 If God had made us as big as the world would we have had power like God’s? 
231 What would the world have been like if God had not made it as it is? 
254 How may one overcome the will of the world?
298 What (kind of thing) is delight? 
323 Whence comes human pity?
324 Do those who love delight and rest do worst or best?
334 Whence comes our native wit?
354 Should one blame God for one's troubles? 
355 Should one serve all other people as best one can? 


Eternal Reddit Advice Threads
84 How can a man love a woman blamelessly and vice versa?
87 What is jealousy and why are people sometimes jealous?
91 How should one conduct oneself in company / without fierceness?
163 Should a man upbraid another for the defects of his wife?
168 Should a man take delight with a woman?
182 How should one teach one’s children to please one? 
183 Whom should a man love more: his wife or his children? 
186 Are all women in the world alike? 
187 Should a man alert his friend to his wife’s misconduct? 
192 Is a father held responsible for his son's faults and vice versa?
209 What is the wholesomest place in the world?
213 Can two who have loved strongly resume their friendship after a separation?
214 How can a man love a woman at first sight and vice versa?
224 Is one bound to love one’s children and do good for them?
238 Should one tell one’s secrets to one’s friend? 
244 Whose child should one love more: one’s sister’s or one’s brother’s?
262 Should a man upbraid his wife publicly if she does wrong?
263 Is it good for a man to be jealous of his wife?
264 Should one believe the good or ill that one thinks of another?
294 Is a child harmed by the wickedness of its father or mother?
327 How may one desist from fighting when one is roused?
328 Why do women have all the sorrow and joy of the world?
346 Should someone living in a good place search for a better? 
348 Can one forget one’s native country? 
351 Should one desist from asking for one's debts? 
353 How should a man behave if he finds his wife having an affair? 
360 Which are the best colours of clothing to wear? 
371 How should one plead one’s cause before a judge in a lawcourt?


Obviously The Penis [2]
41 What is the blissfullest, worthiest, and ‘fairest’ thing?
42 What is the foulest, most perilous, and most accursed thing?
167 What is the greatest delight there is?
170 Which members (= body parts) might one worst do without?
219 Which is the most perilous organ in the body?
234 What is the ‘fairest’ thing God made?
245 What is the most perilous thing in us?
256 Which is the ‘fairest’ organ in the body, and why?
299 What is the most delightful/pleasantest sight there could be?
356 What is the most delightful thing there is? 
362 What is the ‘fairest’ thing there is?


Worryingly Vague
47 Who will be its keeper and commander?
188 Should one hasten to do a thing? 
235 Whom should we love more: those who love us or those we love now?
342 How should one (best) live in this world? 
343 Should one fear one’s enemy? 


Worryingly Specific
51 What is ‘Gentilnesse’?
102 Why are dogs more tightly joined during copulation than other animals?
226 What animals are ‘wightest/ wittiest’ and ‘most of savour’?
228 Whence come snails and why do they keep to the earth/grass?
300 Why did God put hair on the body? 
308 How may angels (lacking a body) appear to humans?
315 Can souls appear to their friends whenever they want?
336 Which ‘elements’ could we best do without? 
338 Why do birds not reproduce viviparously, like animals? 
361 What is the greenest thing of all? 
376 Do fish sleep? 
 
Not Exactly Sex-Positive
96 Should one be chaste in body?
142 Which is better: good works without chastity or chastity with wicked deeds?
239 Which women give men most delight and benefit? 
259 Which is worthier: maidenhood or virginity?
260 Which is capable of the greater lechery: man or woman, and why?


Pub Trivia Night [3]
69 What animal lives longest?
135 Whence comes gold? 
136 Whence come carbuncles/ pearls and other precious stones?
137 How many lands are there in the world?
138 Is it possible to traverse the world on dry land?
150 How many kinds of waters are there?
151 How many seas are there?
159 Of which are there most: animals, humans, birds, or fish?
171 Who made the first (musical) instrument, and how did he think of it?
178 Who is the most generous person in the world? 
236 What are the three worthiest things / worthiest words, grasses, and stones?
243 Can the sea be diminished by loss of water?
318 On what day and at what time was Adam created?
319 Who discovered wine?
377 What is the ‘fairest’ bird there is? 
378 What is the ‘fairest’ animal there is? 
379 Which are the ‘fairest’ horses (and the best to ride)? 
380 Which animals have most understanding? 


I Could Probably Explain This Scientifically To A Child But I Might Get Confused Midway 
67 Who feeds the fruits of the earth?
120 How are birds held aloft in the air? 
173 Why are some clouds white and some black?
143 What is the cause of earthquakes?
121 Whence comes rain? 
122 Whence comes hail? 
123 Whence come tempests? 
124 Whence comes thunder? 
125 Whence comes the wind? 
126 How does water issue from hillsides? 
127 Why is sea-water salt? 
128 How does hot water spring out of the earth? 
129 Whence comes brimstone? 
130 Whence comes lightning? 
131 Whence come and whither go waters that ebb and flow? 
373 Why are some wines white and some red? 
316 How do dreams appear to our sight?
31 What becomes of fire when it goes out?
241 Does the eye give, or receive, in seeing?
75 Why are some people black, some white, and some brown?
111 Why does it rain more in some years than in others?
52 How can it be cold in fair weather?
332 Why are clouds less thick in summer than in winter?
337 Why does a strong wind die for a shower of rain? 


D&D Arguments
349 Which is better: sleight or strength? 
374 Do birds and animals have language or understanding? 
71 Do fish, birds, and animals have souls?
37 How many worlds are there and what are they called?
74 Do any other people live in the world apart from us?


Asking For A Friend
7 Do devils know everything and can they do everything?
309 Do devils spy constantly on our misdeeds?
365 Has anything/anyone ever brought tidings of heaven or hell? 
313 Do hell’s inhabitants know anything?
270 Can the dead return to this world?
83 How can a young, healthy man’s wrath be aroused for a small cause?
310 What is (the fire of) purgatory like?


Reliant On A Soul-Based Paradigm
20 How does the soul go to the other world when it leaves the body?
21 Which was made first: the soul or the body?
22 Which speaks: the soul or the body?
24 Which has the dominance: the soul or the body?
25 Where in us does the soul live?
34 Were all souls made at the Creation, or are they still being made? (see also Q. 287)
109 Is the soul or the body sorrowful when they must part?
141 Which are the angels that receive one’s soul into bliss?
232 Did angels come from God’s breath like Adam’s soul? 
268 How do good souls go to heaven and wicked to hell?
269 Is the good angel grieved when people commit sin?
271 Will those who go to hell or paradise ever come out?
272 Why don’t good souls go to the earthly paradise?
274 Where do good souls go when they leave the body?
286 Is the soul engendered naturally, like the body?
287 Were all souls made at the Creation, or are they still being made? (see also Q. 34)
288 When the soul comes to the body, how does it enter? 
289 How does the soul of a dead foetus escape from the womb of its dead mother? 
307 Do angels look after our souls?
311 How many souls will go to heaven when the world ends?
341 Which feels the sorrow on parting: the soul or the body? 
399 Will heaven’s inhabitants have no end and no sorrow? 
400 Will hell's inhabitants never have mercy or rest? 


It Doesn't Count As A Prophecy If It Already Happened
39 Will Christ’s contemporaries and those who live afterwards believe in him?
40 What commandment will he give his people?
54 Will faith in idols ever again be as strong as it was in Bokkus’s time?
72 Will Christ’s contemporaries live as long as we do?
381 When [Christ] will be born, by what token will it be seen? 
382 What will these tokens signify?
383 When he is born, will he be more knowledgeable than others?
384 When he is born, where will he live?
385 Will God's Son be a ‘fair’? man?
386 Why will he die?
387 Who will kill him? By whose advice? How long will he be dead?
388 Will he ascend into heaven unaccompanied?
389 Will God’s Son have a (castle or) house on earth?
390 Will his body remain visibly on earth?
391 Will everyone have the power to make his body?
392 Will those who have this power be honoured more than others?
393 (Why) will they be bound to make his body daily? 
394 What is sin that we will be born into? 
395 What sign will announce his death? 
396 What power will he have when he is on earth? 
397 Will Christ’s disciples perform miracles as he will? 


It Doesn't Count As A Prophecy If You Copy Someone Else's Prophecy
276 Where will the doom be held and who will be judged?
278 Will there be any house, town, or city in the other world?
369 Will everyone born into this world leave it by death?
402 What people will be alive at the Last Judgement? 
403 Where will Antichrist be born? 
404 On what day will God’s Son judge us? 
405 At what time will he come to judge the world? 
406 In what manner will he come to judge us? 
407 Will his Cross be present at the Judgement? 
408 How will he appear to the people to be judged? 
409 Will his ministers be with him to witness the Judgement? 
410 How will he carry out the doom and what will he say? 
411 Will everyone’s doings here then be revealed to all? 
412 What will happen after the doom? 
413 What will become of this world after the Last Judgement? 
414 Will the good then still live here to do whatever they want?
415 Will they then remember the wicked things they did here?

[1] I rate Sidrak and Bokkus 5 centiRashis (the SI unit of Surprising Commentary). Most of the answers are less interesting than you might expect. The doggerel Middle English rhyme scheme doesn't help.

[2] I am 100% certain that "hur hur hur, the penis" was the intended amusing first thought / social answer for some, if not most, of these questions. This isn't a work of high philosophy. (See Q. 239).

[3] Try some of these questions out next time you're asked to make a quiz. I'm sure they won't cause any arguments. Or, if you're willing to translate Middle English on the fly, quiz your friends and compare their answers to the canonical ones.

Q. 266: Whence comes baldness?
A: Astrology. Men born under Leo are of hot complexion, and think harder than other men, which causes their hair to lessen.

Gameable Content

You can use these questions like Dr. Zahir's Ethnographical Questionnaire or other worldbuilding tools. Some of them rely on certain religious/societal conditions, but some are general, and will be asked by people in any society.

They're also great for pub quizzes, interrogating children (the answers are usually amusing), and starting conversations... or, as is more likely the case, ending them.

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